Hmm well that's something you don't see everyday. The
sea water seemed as if it had gone out to the horizon.
Fish flopped around on the muddy ground floor as they
had no water for 1 minute. I stood as if I was frozen to the
ground. And then I saw it, a Tsunami was headed straight
for town!!!. I said to my sister Danielle, “We need to run”!
Our home was only 3 minutes away from where we were,
so we sprinted back home to tell mum the bad news. Oh
I forgot that I was in virtual reality.  


  1. Kia ora Adam = well that is certainly a relief! I really like the way that you opened this story, and your first few sentences are well put together to make it an exciting read for your audience.
    I think that something you could have done is to make sure that you only use one exclamation mark when there is something loud or exciting going on. Remember, that is what the exclamation mark is for, so you do not need to use more than one!
    Keep writing.
    Ms M #100WC


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